Midnight reflections

It seems that every time a senseless tragedy strikes, I find myself up all night following the event. I know what reels me in, it's the fact that I wont look, read or watch anything regarding the event while my daughters are awake. I can't handle learning about these horrible events and still be their happy and fun-loving Momma at the exact same time. My heart is too big to be able to stomach the news and not mourn for those involved and their loved ones. So, after my loved ones go to bed, I lay in bed with my computer and research.

Lately, it's been more frequent that I stay awake with tears streaming down my face...

It started with the shooting in the Colorado Movie theatre, then it was the Sandy Hook Elementary, and now, it's the Boston Marathon.  It frightens me, what's next? Who's next? Besides the tears pulsing down my face, so many thoughts and questions run through my head. Why? How? Who the FUCK? It angers me. It makes me want to jump out of bed and do something. But do what? is my resounding question.

Then, the next day, it comes...the drama on facebook, in coffee shops, at playdates. The debates start rearing their ugly head...who's to blame, gun control, mental health issues, video game industry, terrorism; differences in opinion quickly lead to bigotry and hatred. It makes me so sick to my stomach. I'm so often tempted to join in on the fray, but I quickly remember that hatred will only breed more hatred, and I'm certainly not going to add any fuel to that fire and pissing on it surely wont put it out.

Today, on facebook, I saw a friend from high school make the statement that her fate was sealed and she was not going to have any children because it was too sick of a world. I was tempted to "like" the statement because I thought I fully understood the point she was making...but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I thought about it all evening, and after watching a video of the explosion happening in Boston, and what happened following, I'm sure that I've changed my mind completely.

Here is the video that changed my mind. Please be aware that it is disturbing and intense. 



(If the video is not working you can see it here)

I mentioned that my mind had been changed. I cannot like my friend's status because I fully don't like it at all. My children ARE already in this world! How could I like the statement that she wont know the joys of being a mother because of other's selfishness.

This video was reaffirmation to me that this world has INCREDIBLE people in it, people that shape and should change the way we all think and act on a daily basis. People that are true angels on Earth and are so selfless and inspiring. Regardless of how much evil tries to win, it never will.

How do I know this? Did you see the video? For as many people that were running out of the scene, there were more running IN. Strangers, who could have fled were tearing down the fences to assist those in need of help. They did not know if another bomb would go off. They did not know the people they were saving. They did not stare in shock. They RAN in.

This is something that I remember watching on television on 9/11. So many first responders, were not just firefighters and police men and women. They were normal people who cared. I read stories of boyfriends who shielded their girlfriends with their own bodies in the movie theatre shooting. People who are selfless in the moment of adversity...They're my idea of superheroes.

YES, there are evil people in this world. Yes, attacks like these are going to happen again, and yes, they can happen at anytime and any place. Yes, it scares the shit out of me thinking that my incredible sweet and innocent children might be at risk of someones selfishness or political agenda. But NO, I will not live my life in fear, and I will not teach my children to do so either.  If I did that, not only would I be doing a disservice to myself, I would be setting them up for failure too.

Remember how I said, do what?  was the question that stumped me every time... I think I finally came up with the best answer. I'm not going to hop out of bed. I'm going to stay in bed, with my children and husband, and pull them closer to me and love them a little stronger and hug them a little harder than I did this morning. 

Then, I'm going to teach my girls to be strong and confident people. I'm going to teach them the difference between right and wrong. I'm going to teach them to be brave and how to help others and help themselves. I'm going to teach them that it's okay to be afraid, and okay to be angry, but better to forgive and to find courage in the face of adversity. I'm going to teach them to treat others better than you want to be treated. They'll know what it means to be a good person, they'll know that an eye for an eye leaves everyone blind.

While I pray that my children never enter a situation that they need to run into a burning building, or look a shooter in the eye; I can prepare my children to think quickly, and to always do and inspire others to do the right thing, whatever it may be. 

While others are running out and hiding from the world we live in, I'm going to be the one running in. I'll pray that I don't encounter any situations like the ones that have recently happened, but I do know that beyond a shadow of a doubt, I'd be the person fighting for good. In the meantime, what I'll do, is everything in my power to raise my children to be the next generation of heroes, you and I know that this world certainly needs more of them.

I have faith that the good will always win. I'm going to be deliberately part of that good. Thank you quiet and unsung heroes for inspiring me to strive to be selfless like you are, as we all should be. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's late and I've got some awfully big shoes to start filling tomorrow.

Excited for elf action!

Are you as excited as I am? It's almost time for Elf on the Shelf 2012.

I.cant.wait....

I seriously had to put our elf, Holly, and the book on a high shelf in my bedroom closet that I couldn't reach without a chair.  I have no self control when it comes to Christmas time and holiday cheer. I was tempted to bust that jolly Holly out of her shoebox prison the day after Halloween, when ironically, my Christmas decorations spontaneously jumped down from the attic and sprung to their proper place. I'm a freak, I know. People hate it, but I don't give a shit, I love me some holiday time and I'll celebrate it as early or as long as I want.  I certainly don't hear my girls complaining about holiday crafts, decorations or goodies. I hope my super happy holiday disease is rubbing off on them and I don't turn them into Grinches by accident.

So, back to the elf action. I resisted the urge and left her there to sulk in her shoebox all alone while all the rest of the Christmas gear was getting the love. Sorry Holly, but I need to preserve your magic for as long as I can.

Remember George Orwell's 1984, where "Big Brother" is watching you? The "big brother" may or may not exist, but you're scared shitless nonetheless. This is how it goes in our household...

Dookie: singing "Jingle bells, Jingle bells, fart in your face. Punch the Santa in the belly..." (seriously, what the freak are they teaching you at preschool?)

Me: "Um, what are you singing that for? That's not nice, stop it."

Dookie: still singing "punch you in the faaaaace...."

Me: "I bet Santa's elf is watching you. She's gonna report that you want to punch him, and that you're ignoring me."

SILENCE.

cue angels singing, Hallelujah!


HOLLY is my HERO. The bitch doesn't even need to leave her shoe-cell to work her magic.  I'm saving her powers and presence to be my present, a perfectly behaved December. Can I be so lucky?

For your entertainment, here are a few of Holly's shenanigans from 2011.

Upon arrival from the North Pole our family's elf was named Elmo. He had a long ride from the pole to NC, so he had to pee.

Dookie: He "should've pulled down his pants, he's gonna get peepee on his clothes. "

He's watching you in the shower....maybe Dookie appropriately named it Elmo given the current circumstances? (too soon?)

 This banana ride one was a special for Daddy. He's a sicko. (No the girls didn't see this.)

Road trip! Best behaved car ride everrrrr.

 Uh, SURPRISE, Elmo is a tranny elf! Dookie was requesting a girl elf visit her, so her elf got overnight sex change and changed her name to Holly.
And now for my favorite of 2011....Mission Elfpossible.

See you next week with our Elf 2012.



 And by the way, I've read this viral blog, and if you want to punch me in the throat, expect to be punched back.  http://www.peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.com/2011/12/over-achieving-elf-on-shelf-mommies.html

Don't look at my Pirates!

Apparently today, September 19th is International Talk like a Pirate Day. Seriously, who the hell thinks of these things?

In honor of this absurd day, I'd like to share a story all about Pirates.

I was cleaning up the kitchen and both girls were in the living room playing together. Out of the giggles comes the high pitch screaming...

Dookie: "Stop Sissy! Stop! Stoooopppp!"

Baby Sis: hysterically laughing

Dookie: "I don't want anyone to see my pirates. It's not nice to show people your pirates!"

Curious as to what Baby Sis was doing that she found so funny, and why Dookie was so pissed about pirates, I went into the living room to see Baby Sis lifting up Dookie's skirt and smacking her in the butt.

Arrrgh matey, yer correct. It's not appropriate to be showin' off yer booty and family jewels.

Please help!

If you can recall last September, our family was requesting prayers, love and positive thoughts to go towards Dookie's friend, Allie S.

The sweet two year old girl was experiencing unexpected kidney failure, and her situation was terrifying and in need of a major miracle. Allie has FSGS, and this strong girl will need to keep fighting  and remain in close care of specialists.  For more information on FSGS, please visit http://nephcure.org/fsgs-facts

Dookie is going to be walking with NephCure in her friend Allie's honor. To support her efforts, and research that will be searching for treatment and a cure for FSGS, please consider sponsoring Dookie as she walks with Team Allie. 
The link to sponsor is: http://raleighncwalk.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=1030218&lis=1&kntae1030218=996FE50B6D1A40058A5E518094877FE6&supId=366935417

Also, I wanted to provide and update on Allie and thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers because thanks be to God, good medicine and amazing doctors, she's had a complete turn around and is a HEALTHY three year old!!

Like a booger, just waiting to be picked.

I guess I can consider myself lucky that today was our first real emergency adventure with Dookie, we made it nearly 4 years without incident. Until today...dun, dun, duuuuun.

No, my sweet girl didn't fall down the stairs, or bump her head. Her bones are all intact.  No fever, no rash....oh no, not my kid.  Mine is extra special, she had to go because she shoved something up her nose, and got it stuck.

The child that always blows people away with her intellect and maturity, the same one that has people telling me how bright and advanced she is, stuck what she called "paper" up her right nostril, and lodging it up there. She's so smart, but sooooo dumb.

What makes a child think, "Ooooh let me stick ::foreign object:: up my nose?" Most kids don't even let their mom wipe/blow their nose, pulling out the nasal aspirator or in our house, talk or sight of the BOOGER SUCKER makes them run and hide under the bed or in the closet.

I'm still shaking my head. It blows my nose, er, mind.

Here's how it went down:

I'm standing in the kitchen cleaning up and she comes running in from the living room hysterically crying. I knew it had to be serious because she would never leave "Santa Paws" without reason. Yes it IS only September 12. We're not here to talk about that. ;-)


Momma: "Whoah, why are you crying, whats wrong?"
Dookie: "It's stuck in my nose! WAHHHWAHHHHOMGWAHHHCALLANEMERGENCYYYYY"
Momma: Calm down, WHAT is in your nose? A booger? Stop over reacting, here's a tissue."
Dookie: "WAHHHHH gasp snort hack A PAPER!!!!! "
Momma: "How did a paper get stuck in your nose?"

I look up her nose, and sure enough there's a "paper." From what I could tell looking up her snoz looked like a crumbled ball of paper, but it was hard to see since it was SO far up there. After a few minutes of trying to get her to blow her nose out, but she only sucked in more and more, I thought it might be a good idea to get out the dreaded booger sucker. I shoved that bad boy into her now bleeding nostril and thought to myself that paper should come right out. Nope, nothing. I get a flash light. I can barely see it now.

Crap, I made it worse. What the fuck am I going to do?
Now she's laying on the floor, panicked. Screaming at the top of her lungs.
Remember when I told you about Baby Sis throwing tantrums when she sees her sister doing it? Awesome. Two screaming, writhing messes, one bleeding from the nose. I'm so lucky.

Welp, now it's time to go to the Emergency. I call her Daddy to tell him where we're going, and he's thrilled. OF COURSE, Dookie hears this and is crying even harder.

Dookie: "I'M BLEEDING, I'M DYING. I DON'T WANT AN EMERGENCY. I DON'T WANT AN AMBULANCE, THEY DON'T HAVE A CAR SEAT. WAHHHHHHHH"

I throw clothes on the baby, shoes on all of us and put them both in the car and off we go.

Thank God for my good friend, Jenny, who hopped in the car and came to my rescue to help with the baby when I had to go in the exam room. Her son distracted the panicked Dookie and they watched cartoons for the two hour wait.

We finally get in and the doctor is THRILLED. He's like pumped up to see us.

Doc: "Hahaha, Hi Mom! How are you today? I love this age, they're so interested in orifices."
Momma: "Yes, usually it's just fingers but today, not so much."
Doc: "Yeah anything that fits in those orifices are a kids favorite. Can this fit in my orifice? Will that go in my orifice?"

Yeah dude, I get the picture. Seriously? Say "orifice" to me one more time and I might barf, or punch you. We waited two fucking hours with 3 kids in the waiting room, get the fucking flash light and get the paper out.

Doc: "Ok little lady, lay back here and I'm going to look with my flash light and see what you put up your orifice."   

dickface.

Dookie does some sort of karate chop/jump/kick/fly through the air. She's escaped both myself and the doctor and is trying to get out the door of the room. So, I did what any Mom would do, I got her back, gave her a hug, told her it's not going to hurt.

Then, I sat on her.

So here we are, both on the exam table, with her body pinned down under my legs and her head in my crotch. It looked like I was giving birth to her again.  She's screaming bloody murder, I'm wrestling her with all my might, using my thighs and my hands to attempt to keep her head immobile.
Here comes the doctor with his little flashlight headband, ready to pick my kids nose and shove his face in my lap.

How did I end up in this fiasco?!
Oh yes, my daughter shoved "paper" up her nose.
I'm so lucky!

The doctor had some special tweezer-like apparatus that he wanted to show to Dookie to tell her that it didn't hurt before he did it. Now he's pinching her shirt and her arm. She's flipping a shit. She's gagging, the puke reflex is coming....

Momma: "Stop, just do it, you're just making it worse."

He does it, and out come this massive shiny pink object. Not paper. Oh no, not even close.

Of course I'm posting a picture of it here!

WTF is this thing? It's a piece of folded over "leather" material that has stitching through it. I've searched and searched and can't figure out what it came from!

More importantly, what possesses Dookie to see this thing and decided to put it in her nose?



Now the doctor is on cloud nine,

Doc: "Oh hahahaha what a pretty pink thing, of course a kid would try to put it in an orifice! Let me check your other nostril and ears, make sure there's no more orifices!"

Ok, dude, you're a creepo.

Luckily, she only chose one orifice today.

So we're finally headed home, I'm exhausted, the baby is overtired and hungry, Dookie has her finger up her nose now. shaking my damn head. I pull up, get the kids inside and find we have no power. I walk over to the neighbors, they don't either. Joy. I can't make dinner! With the power out, there's no excuse not to force the kids for a late nap.  They pass out for a few minutes until the UPS guy comes barreling down the street and the dog goes ballistic. Can my day go any more wrong?

Now the power comes back on, good. I make dinner, put the baby in her seat, get Dookie settled with her ketchup and ranch dressing dinner with side of chicken and veggies. I sit down to eat, and as I put the first bite in my mouth, out the power goes. I got to eat dinner and clean up in the dark.

Ugh, I quit on today. I hope Dookie learned her lesson!

reflections on 9/11

It's not a cheerful walk down memory lane.
It's not a challenge to have the best story,
or to remember exactly where you were, what you were doing and who you were with when it happened.


It's not something to take lightly.
It's not something that should be copied and pasted to your facebook status.
It's not something you tweet in 140 characters or less.

It's something that has changed my life, but not because it happened.
not because I was fortunate to have lost no loved ones.
not because I lived in New York.
not because the smoke and smell carried on the wind for days afterward, making it more than something I saw on the news.

It's something that should have changed your life too. It still can.


It's minutes before midnight, the start to September 11th 2012.
11 years later, and my facebook newsfeed is flooded with "Never Forget" statuses.  I find it disheartening that year after year, SO many people post to "never forget," but doing nothing more than that.

What exactly are they doing by posting that? What are they saying to 'never forget'? Never forget that terrorists flew airplanes into two huge buildings in NYC? Never forget that a plane full of people took down terrorists who were attempting to hit another building? Never forget that a plane full of people crashed into the pentagon building?  The idea of never forgetting these tragic and heinous instances doesn't seem quite productive to me. I understand the intended sentiment behind the statement, to honor our heroes and remember those who've perished. What I don't understand is where "never forget" comes in.  Here, we're falling short.

I said that 9/11/01 changed my life. It wasn't a change for worse, it was a surprised change for the better. 

It's was a rude awakening that life is fragile.
Life is a gift. Life is more than we can imagine, and it can disappear in an instant. I'm never going to take mine, or the life of others for-granted.

I was 16 years old when the towers fell. Out of the rubble came the most astounding sense of community. It is something that has forever left a mark on my heart, and on the way I live and the way I raise my children. Never, in my life, before that day had I seen people so willing to help others. I'd never expect to have seen so many heros rushing in, to save strangers. Some gave their lives so others could keep theirs. These ultimate sacrifices of many brave souls ricocheted throughout our country, unifying us for, the first time in my lifetime. A fire was struck within our souls to be better to each other, to do more for others and to take less for ourselves.

The overwhelming sense of pride in being an American, and the compassion that we all found for our neighbors that day and the weeks and months that follow is something that has became engrained in my person. Something that I've never seen before, and something that I'd be ecstatic to see again.  So much love poured from us in the days that followed 9/11. Our blood banks had lines to donate, people volunteered to help, to rebuild and to better the lives of others.  American flags flew high from every home, car, building.  Our country was strong, with faith unshaken.


Here we are, 11 years later...we've lost it. We've forgotten what's really important. We've stopped helping each other. We've stopped loving each other.

To me, I can't think of a better way to honor our hero's than by trying to live my life as selflessly as they did. I haven't been met with the need to run into a burning building, but I make a conscious effort to go out of my way to help those in need. I make it a point to teach my children that it's better to give your all to others, than to demand it all from them. At the age of 3, my daughter has already given 10 inches of her hair to locks of love to make a wig for a child with cancer. She said that she want's to shave her head bald when she is older for St. Baldrick's, just as her Daddy, Poppa and Uncle's do every year to show solidarity for those that are undergoing cancer treatment. After I organized a toy drive for our Mom's group to donate gently used toys local children in need, my then 2 year old hand selected toys that she no longer uses to donate to children who otherwise wouldn't have toys for Christmas. As she picked each one she kissed it saying good bye and to have fun with a new friend. This past summer I joined my mother and brothers with my baby strapped to my back, and the 3 year old at my side doing yard work and painting for Hope House, a home for wayward young men. Mentioning these things are not intended to gain praise, but rather to lead by example.  Each and every one of us Americans has some sort of talent, time or treasure we can share.

Our work for others is not finished, as long as I'm alive, I will do all that I can to lighten the load of someone else. 

 I wish that everyone really honored our hero's and those we lost, by following in their footsteps. Then, our country would be a much better place. I wish that for every "never forget" status I see each year, that it would be put into action, rather than simply trending on facebook and twitter.

9/11 should be a humble reminder that daily we should all be striving to rekindle that sense of community, compassion and love that 9/11 inadvertently fostered.

If we do, then all those we did lose, weren't lost in vain. and THAT, is what I'll never forget.

it's 10pm, do you know where your kids are?

I was getting ready for bed tonight, and looked at the clock, it was 10:14.
Remember that old PSA commercial?

"It's 10 pm. Do you know where your kids are?"

I turned around to find that Baby Sis had left the room, it was easy to find her, just listen for tapping...

When all of your sweet little kids are sound asleep in their beds, this is just a glimpse of what one of mine doing.


10:14pm

Yep, it's 10 pm, I certainly know where Baby Sis is, why she's tap dancing in her stage, the bathtub!