Excited for elf action!

Are you as excited as I am? It's almost time for Elf on the Shelf 2012.

I.cant.wait....

I seriously had to put our elf, Holly, and the book on a high shelf in my bedroom closet that I couldn't reach without a chair.  I have no self control when it comes to Christmas time and holiday cheer. I was tempted to bust that jolly Holly out of her shoebox prison the day after Halloween, when ironically, my Christmas decorations spontaneously jumped down from the attic and sprung to their proper place. I'm a freak, I know. People hate it, but I don't give a shit, I love me some holiday time and I'll celebrate it as early or as long as I want.  I certainly don't hear my girls complaining about holiday crafts, decorations or goodies. I hope my super happy holiday disease is rubbing off on them and I don't turn them into Grinches by accident.

So, back to the elf action. I resisted the urge and left her there to sulk in her shoebox all alone while all the rest of the Christmas gear was getting the love. Sorry Holly, but I need to preserve your magic for as long as I can.

Remember George Orwell's 1984, where "Big Brother" is watching you? The "big brother" may or may not exist, but you're scared shitless nonetheless. This is how it goes in our household...

Dookie: singing "Jingle bells, Jingle bells, fart in your face. Punch the Santa in the belly..." (seriously, what the freak are they teaching you at preschool?)

Me: "Um, what are you singing that for? That's not nice, stop it."

Dookie: still singing "punch you in the faaaaace...."

Me: "I bet Santa's elf is watching you. She's gonna report that you want to punch him, and that you're ignoring me."

SILENCE.

cue angels singing, Hallelujah!


HOLLY is my HERO. The bitch doesn't even need to leave her shoe-cell to work her magic.  I'm saving her powers and presence to be my present, a perfectly behaved December. Can I be so lucky?

For your entertainment, here are a few of Holly's shenanigans from 2011.

Upon arrival from the North Pole our family's elf was named Elmo. He had a long ride from the pole to NC, so he had to pee.

Dookie: He "should've pulled down his pants, he's gonna get peepee on his clothes. "

He's watching you in the shower....maybe Dookie appropriately named it Elmo given the current circumstances? (too soon?)

 This banana ride one was a special for Daddy. He's a sicko. (No the girls didn't see this.)

Road trip! Best behaved car ride everrrrr.

 Uh, SURPRISE, Elmo is a tranny elf! Dookie was requesting a girl elf visit her, so her elf got overnight sex change and changed her name to Holly.
And now for my favorite of 2011....Mission Elfpossible.

See you next week with our Elf 2012.



 And by the way, I've read this viral blog, and if you want to punch me in the throat, expect to be punched back.  http://www.peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.com/2011/12/over-achieving-elf-on-shelf-mommies.html