Lately, it's been more frequent that I stay awake with tears streaming down my face...
It started with the shooting in the Colorado Movie theatre, then it was the Sandy Hook Elementary, and now, it's the Boston Marathon. It frightens me, what's next? Who's next? Besides the tears pulsing down my face, so many thoughts and questions run through my head. Why? How? Who the FUCK? It angers me. It makes me want to jump out of bed and do something. But do what? is my resounding question.
Then, the next day, it comes...the drama on facebook, in coffee shops, at playdates. The debates start rearing their ugly head...who's to blame, gun control, mental health issues, video game industry, terrorism; differences in opinion quickly lead to bigotry and hatred. It makes me so sick to my stomach. I'm so often tempted to join in on the fray, but I quickly remember that hatred will only breed more hatred, and I'm certainly not going to add any fuel to that fire and pissing on it surely wont put it out.
Today, on facebook, I saw a friend from high school make the statement that her fate was sealed and she was not going to have any children because it was too sick of a world. I was tempted to "like" the statement because I thought I fully understood the point she was making...but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I thought about it all evening, and after watching a video of the explosion happening in Boston, and what happened following, I'm sure that I've changed my mind completely.
Here is the video that changed my mind. Please be aware that it is disturbing and intense.
(If the video is not working you can see it here)
I mentioned that my mind had been changed. I cannot like my friend's status because I fully don't like it at all. My children ARE already in this world! How could I like the statement that she wont know the joys of being a mother because of other's selfishness.
This video was reaffirmation to me that this world has INCREDIBLE people in it, people that shape and should change the way we all think and act on a daily basis. People that are true angels on Earth and are so selfless and inspiring. Regardless of how much evil tries to win, it never will.
How do I know this? Did you see the video? For as many people that were running out of the scene, there were more running IN. Strangers, who could have fled were tearing down the fences to assist those in need of help. They did not know if another bomb would go off. They did not know the people they were saving. They did not stare in shock. They RAN in.
This is something that I remember watching on television on 9/11. So many first responders, were not just firefighters and police men and women. They were normal people who cared. I read stories of boyfriends who shielded their girlfriends with their own bodies in the movie theatre shooting. People who are selfless in the moment of adversity...They're my idea of superheroes.
YES, there are evil people in this world. Yes, attacks like these are going to happen again, and yes, they can happen at anytime and any place. Yes, it scares the shit out of me thinking that my incredible sweet and innocent children might be at risk of someones selfishness or political agenda. But NO, I will not live my life in fear, and I will not teach my children to do so either. If I did that, not only would I be doing a disservice to myself, I would be setting them up for failure too.
Remember how I said, do what? was the question that stumped me every time... I think I finally came up with the best answer. I'm not going to hop out of bed. I'm going to stay in bed, with my children and husband, and pull them closer to me and love them a little stronger and hug them a little harder than I did this morning.
Then, I'm going to teach my girls to be strong and confident people. I'm going to teach them the difference between right and wrong. I'm going to teach them to be brave and how to help others and help themselves. I'm going to teach them that it's okay to be afraid, and okay to be angry, but better to forgive and to find courage in the face of adversity. I'm going to teach them to treat others better than you want to be treated. They'll know what it means to be a good person, they'll know that an eye for an eye leaves everyone blind.
While I pray that my children never enter a situation that they need to run into a burning building, or look a shooter in the eye; I can prepare my children to think quickly, and to always do and inspire others to do the right thing, whatever it may be.
While others are running out and hiding from the world we live in, I'm going to be the one running in. I'll pray that I don't encounter any situations like the ones that have recently happened, but I do know that beyond a shadow of a doubt, I'd be the person fighting for good. In the meantime, what I'll do, is everything in my power to raise my children to be the next generation of heroes, you and I know that this world certainly needs more of them.
I have faith that the good will always win. I'm going to be deliberately part of that good. Thank you quiet and unsung heroes for inspiring me to strive to be selfless like you are, as we all should be. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's late and I've got some awfully big shoes to start filling tomorrow.
